Tuesday, March 17, 2015

2010 vs. 2015

2010:

Older Man: Do you like your job?
Me: Yes, I LOVE my job. It's great. It's wonderful. I'm learning so much. It's the best. I'm so thankful.

Older Man: Laughs...  Just give it a few years. Let's see what New York does to you.
Me: Okay...

I sat there thinking wow. What a Debbie-downer. Is it really that bad? It's not going to change me. It won't.



2015:

Crap. I am the older man.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Excerpt

Then it hit him, out of nowhere.
What am I doing? Why am I here...

And while this moment was grand, he went to bed and went on to live the only life he had ever known.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Spring Cleaning

Last week, I started cleaning my room because there was so much clutter building up... papers, books, old cards, notes...  I had to get rid of them because they just took over my drawer and desk space and I couldn't do work anymore.

As I started throwing things away, I ran into this:
















It's crazy to remember that just last year, all of these were a regular part of my life.
But today, all of those are in the trash can. Bye bye clutter - I won't miss you.

As I reflect and also read back on my old entries, I realize more and more how much my illness cluttered my view on my own life. You could just tell by reading my old entries... some being dark, cryptic, hopeless yet hopeful but really hopeless (obviously just confused) entries. I felt like I couldn't get out of that mess and so I just stopped blogging - why blog when you hate what comes out of your mind. And now I realize, damn did I have a cluttered mind.

So... bye bye clutter! It's time for spring! I am free and I will live free.
Just like how Jesus calls me to live. Jesus gave me freedom and whether this happens again or I live healthier ever after, I will live free to glorify God until the day I die. That is my prayer.

Spring cleaning just turned into something much more meaningful for me.


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Through a black window

---------------------------

I hear you.
Your cries.

I see you.
Your pain.

I know you.
That monster inside.

I'm the spy behind the black window.
The one you'll never know.

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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Random Thought #1

I love day dreaming and talking about things that sometimes just don't matter and yet, it matters so much.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Rome – Business "as Planned"


Rome…for a business traveler, can be quite unwelcoming. When I get off the plane, the airport is nearly empty besides one security officer watching over the “You cannot reenter once you exit” sign. But to even exit is confusing because the signs are few and lights dim. It surprises me that a seemingly normal-looking airport is so complex.

In the taxi line, the only man there, in professional clothing with a waklie talkie, approaches me and says, “taxi?,” to which I reply, “Yes,” and he says, “Follow me.” I’m a bit confused… isn’t he the dispatcher? He puts me in his car, which looks official, except he doesn’t have a sign that says “Taxi” on top. “I’m paying by credit card,” I say, to which he says, “then it’s 10 Euros more.” When I say no, he submits and we settle the rate at 65 Euro.  By this time, I know I got shafted, but I oblige, it’s raining, I’m tired, and at least the car is nice.

The hotel looks better than I expect on the outside. When you enter, you know it’s been around for a while, but not in a bad way. Definitely not the classic modern hotels I've been staying at in Paris and Berlin. The porter takes me upstairs to my room. I am somewhat shocked at the interior. A tiny, twin-sized bed, in a hot room with no A/C, and an old dark green carpet that makes me think of the ‘60s. I really hated that carpet color. To my delight, there is a balcony and I open the doors to let in the fresh air, only to also let in some splashes of rain.

The next day, I have non-stop meetings scheduled from 9:00AM until about 11:00PM. I only had 4 hours of sleep because I stayed up preparing for work, so I’m tired and my patience, thin. My moderator, who I was to brief at 9:30AM, arrives at 10:15AM. I am a bit peeved, but I don’t want to sour the day, so I ignore the situation. When I realize that every single meeting after that starts late, I start to understand, Rome is not a very punctual place.

On one of the days, I walk into a restaurant at 11:15AM to try some of their food. The man by the counter says, “sorry, we are closed.” I nod and ask, “When will you guys open?” He says, “11AM.” I look at my watch, nod, and smile. 

Romans hate credit cards, which business travelers rely on. This doesn't go well with the fact that they say yes to all questions, even if they don’t understand you. Before I got into my driver’s car, I asked him if he took credit cards. He said, “yes of course,” but it turns out he never understood me. I spend some of my first 15 minutes at the airport, looking for an ATM to withdraw money for my driver. The ATM I use has an English option that doesn’t work…so I somehow end up withdrawing in French.

And although I paint all of this in a negative light, it’s not all that bad. It’s quite a relaxing place, where family and fun matters much and punctuality less. There are lots of laughter, lots of food, and lots of expressions. It’s nice to observe, and when you don’t have the stress of meetings and business expense rules, it’s beautiful.

Now I’m waiting for my flight to Frankfurt, but I had time to write this only because… lo and behold, we’re leaving the airport late, as planned.




---
Update: Funny… After writing this short about Rome  – I somehow missed my flight to Frankfurt, as well as the connecting flight to Swizterland due to a rather confusing situation at the airport. Many great,  but at times, tense moments I will be able to share from Rome J

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A life not lost

Dear Jeff,

It's been a year. I didn't think it'd be so hard to think about you. You were just that great. And today, instead of ignoring you and acting like nothing happened, I'm finally saluting and celebrating your life. Forgive me for the delay.
.

You were a true man. You never failed to inspire. You worked so hard and yet had this light-hearted joyful spirit. You were an initiator, a true fighter for what is right, and you always pushed yourself to do the best that you can.


You had a youthful spirit. You wanted to be a part of everything, even our men's small group blog (no one else really wanted to do it) :). I don't think you know it, but you were so enthusiastic about supporting me in the littlest things. Sometimes I wondered why you were so gungho about every plan I had for our men's group - but thank you, because without you, I don't know how far we would've gone. I'm sure God placed you there for a reason.


I didn't realize how many lives you touched, until I saw the room where we gathered. You brought sooo many people together from all over the community. In fact, we had to move twice because of how popular you were! But more than the number of people that night, I remember how one person, you, brought unity.

You lived your life like the way you lived your last few hours. Full of life, striving for what's best, and running the race for God. I won't ever know, but something tells me you were in deep conversation with God through it all. And when you passed that finish line, boy, that must've felt victorious.

You finished that race!
And you didn't lose your life, you just began it.

Cheers to you my friend.

-
In memory of Jeff, here are links to his blog entries on our men's group.
Man of wisdom :).