Snowflakes

Hundreds of feet hitting the floor, swishes of purple and green and white and blue and pink blur by. Eyes are looking down at their hands that hold up their most prized possession, cell phones. A few of these blurs are yelling, trying to hand out fliers or trying to sell tickets. Hands are waving left and right with smiles here and there. Someone trips over an uneven brick and as she tries to cover up her mishap, no one really notices or cares. Men are moving their legs fast left and right in their business pants. There's a runner in the crowd, and even someone walking a bike. Hurry, look at your watch. Oh here's another flyer person, act like you're busy. Oh there's someone you kind of know, look away and act as if you didn't see her because maybe she won't say hi. Oh, there's a friend, avoid him, you're too busy right now.

Freeze.

There are puddles on the ground. The church bells are ringing a melodious song. It's 6pm, time for dinner. Specks of white are falling down all around you. It's snow. If you look closely, you realize that you can see the beautiful crystals that make up what they call the "snowflake." You know, the big ones that you see on cartoons while growing up. But in reality, they're tiny. Can you see it? Are you focusing on it?

Now you're walking slower, moving gracefully with the softly falling snow. It's going to make it to the ground, but the wind is taking it on a tour - here come to the left, oh maybe a little to the right, oh, maybe fly up again. It's beautiful. It finally hits the ground and disappears. You're a little bit disappointed, because this one was your special one that you saw. You walk on realizing the beauty of each little speck as they fall around you. They're really quite special.

Freeze.

There's a saying that there are no two snowflakes that are alike. But to us, they look the same if we don't focus on their beauty.

No human being is the same. But they all seem the same in the crowd when we walk trying to live our busy lives.

Take a step back and focus on someone :-). Get to know their beauty.

That's what snowflakes taught me today.

You're not a Leader, You're a Slave

I lead a men's small group and I love them to death. We were planning a valentine's day surprise for the girls in our Christian fellowship and a few of us got together on Thursday night to start making them little packages.

Now, I will not lie, this "surprise" task is of epic proportion. There were only 8 men in LW for 37 girls (our guys:girls ratio is tiny). Since we didn't finish on Thursday night, I figured we'd finish up on Friday.

On Friday, I was surprised that no one could really help. I started to think that this could not be done, and I started to lose hope in my men. This is rare, I'm an initiator, someone who feeds off challenges and motivation. But here, I felt kind of hopeless. Why were my men not coming? I know that we're all busy with a lot of priorities, but surely, 30 minutes can't be that hard to spare... :-/

I luckily had one of my guys come up :-) and he brought along two other alumni. One of them told me when I was leaving, kind of as a joke, but not really, "You're not a leader, you're a slave."

I'm not a leader. I'm a slave.

Am I a slave because I do everything for them. Maybe I don't give them enough responsibilities to grow? Maybe I'm not trusting in them enough? Maybe I'm not leading because I'm not encouraging them to do work since I'm here. At the same time, isn't this how Jesus led? I want to lead by example, because I believe so much more in doing than just saying or forcing. When you do things, you live your thoughts and your life becomes what you stand for. But why isn't this leading style working for me? Why aren't most of my boys,for a lack of better words, "manning up?"

Is what I'm doing right? Wrong?

I'm confused. I want them to grow. I want them to take responsibility, learn how to manage time, learn how to serve others, go out and initiate things.

Today's sermon was quite timely. Pastor LT said that the words "servant" and "slave", in the Bible, could be interchangeable. "Slave", not like the way think of the word, but "slave" as in someone who willingly calls someone their master and serves them and their needs. Jesus says that "If anyone wants to be first, He must be the very last, and the servant of all" (Mark 9:35).

Tough life. But His disciples saw Jesus's servanthood, and now the whole world is changed.

I need to be both a slave and a leader, not just a slave. But how?

On the bright side, when we were making final deliveries today, even if it was at the last moment, a few of my guys pulled together to help :-).

It's nice to see some improvement, but I need to stop focusing on what I want to see, and let God take over.

TFA vs Job + a rant about Las Vegas Education

On Facebook: "XXXX is sending letters to the state governor, rep, and senate to reconsider the 20% budget cuts in higher educational spending to come up with $147 million shortfall we have experienced. FIND ANOTHER WAY because it wasn't the first and won't be the last shortfall we experience. GET INVOLVED!"

Couldn't have come at a different time?

I'm having the toughest time deciding if I want to pursue Teach for America or go directly into my career path in the engineering/business world. Do I give back to my community, return to Vegas, take the opportunity to build upon my network of family and friends, do more for the school and the education system that I STRONGLY believe is wrong and underserved in MY community. Or do I go and seek the path that offers me stability, security, monetary needs, confidence in business, and somewhat of a set, professional life? As an engineer, will TFA hinder my ability to go into the field that I'm interested in, will it waste away my Bioengineering and Entrepreneurship education that is freshly in my mind if I just pause and teach for a few years, and would it make me a less attractive candidate for the future, or will taking TFA make me a better candidate, someone who's more involved, more real, more passionate?

My brain won't stop running.

Everyone's telling me to do Teach for America, don't do Teach for America. I'm getting bombarded with phonecalls and it's hard to sit down and think. What do I want? I prayed and I prayed and it seemed like I went with my gut and decided no. But then even when I say no, my no is so not confident that my recruiter picks up on it and offers me a lot more help and gives me a little more time to think about it. Why can't I run away from it?

And now, the facebook status. Something that angers me.

Vegas' education system SUCKS. I came out of it, and I will say, it really really sucks. We need to fix it and stop relying on the "jobs" we have that allow us to "not focus on education". This job security is unreliable. Vegas was named THE EMPTIEST city in the US after the Fall of 2008 and the subprime mortage crisis. We are a city which relies heavily on the tourism and services industry and as gambling and tourism and tips decreased, so did our jobs, our salary, and our education. Why in the world are we CUTTING EDUCATION? When EDUCATION IS THE SOLUTION! We can't rely on gambling forever, it IS our main industry, tourism IS our specialty, but we need diversification, we need jobs for the educated, we need to create an environment that stirs curiosity and the willingness to learn in our students and here I am hearing about the state cutting more and more funds and teachers when ALREADY we're at a shortage?

Wake up Las Vegas.

I escaped the system. I'm one of the few who left the state for college, did research, built technology, traveled to different countries for global volunteer services, enjoyed drinks and debates, went to random lectures, and got a great degree. But I didn't have an easy time, because my peers at this institution were significantly more prepared than I was.

Fix it Las Vegas.

These students DO care about their education, and you're stopping them from getting it. And most students will never even know about their full potential, because you're cutting them out.