Sunday, December 2, 2012

Rome – Business "as Planned"


Rome…for a business traveler, can be quite unwelcoming. When I get off the plane, the airport is nearly empty besides one security officer watching over the “You cannot reenter once you exit” sign. But to even exit is confusing because the signs are few and lights dim. It surprises me that a seemingly normal-looking airport is so complex.

In the taxi line, the only man there, in professional clothing with a waklie talkie, approaches me and says, “taxi?,” to which I reply, “Yes,” and he says, “Follow me.” I’m a bit confused… isn’t he the dispatcher? He puts me in his car, which looks official, except he doesn’t have a sign that says “Taxi” on top. “I’m paying by credit card,” I say, to which he says, “then it’s 10 Euros more.” When I say no, he submits and we settle the rate at 65 Euro.  By this time, I know I got shafted, but I oblige, it’s raining, I’m tired, and at least the car is nice.

The hotel looks better than I expect on the outside. When you enter, you know it’s been around for a while, but not in a bad way. Definitely not the classic modern hotels I've been staying at in Paris and Berlin. The porter takes me upstairs to my room. I am somewhat shocked at the interior. A tiny, twin-sized bed, in a hot room with no A/C, and an old dark green carpet that makes me think of the ‘60s. I really hated that carpet color. To my delight, there is a balcony and I open the doors to let in the fresh air, only to also let in some splashes of rain.

The next day, I have non-stop meetings scheduled from 9:00AM until about 11:00PM. I only had 4 hours of sleep because I stayed up preparing for work, so I’m tired and my patience, thin. My moderator, who I was to brief at 9:30AM, arrives at 10:15AM. I am a bit peeved, but I don’t want to sour the day, so I ignore the situation. When I realize that every single meeting after that starts late, I start to understand, Rome is not a very punctual place.

On one of the days, I walk into a restaurant at 11:15AM to try some of their food. The man by the counter says, “sorry, we are closed.” I nod and ask, “When will you guys open?” He says, “11AM.” I look at my watch, nod, and smile. 

Romans hate credit cards, which business travelers rely on. This doesn't go well with the fact that they say yes to all questions, even if they don’t understand you. Before I got into my driver’s car, I asked him if he took credit cards. He said, “yes of course,” but it turns out he never understood me. I spend some of my first 15 minutes at the airport, looking for an ATM to withdraw money for my driver. The ATM I use has an English option that doesn’t work…so I somehow end up withdrawing in French.

And although I paint all of this in a negative light, it’s not all that bad. It’s quite a relaxing place, where family and fun matters much and punctuality less. There are lots of laughter, lots of food, and lots of expressions. It’s nice to observe, and when you don’t have the stress of meetings and business expense rules, it’s beautiful.

Now I’m waiting for my flight to Frankfurt, but I had time to write this only because… lo and behold, we’re leaving the airport late, as planned.




---
Update: Funny… After writing this short about Rome  – I somehow missed my flight to Frankfurt, as well as the connecting flight to Swizterland due to a rather confusing situation at the airport. Many great,  but at times, tense moments I will be able to share from Rome J

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A life not lost

Dear Jeff,

It's been a year. I didn't think it'd be so hard to think about you. You were just that great. And today, instead of ignoring you and acting like nothing happened, I'm finally saluting and celebrating your life. Forgive me for the delay.
.

You were a true man. You never failed to inspire. You worked so hard and yet had this light-hearted joyful spirit. You were an initiator, a true fighter for what is right, and you always pushed yourself to do the best that you can.


You had a youthful spirit. You wanted to be a part of everything, even our men's small group blog (no one else really wanted to do it) :). I don't think you know it, but you were so enthusiastic about supporting me in the littlest things. Sometimes I wondered why you were so gungho about every plan I had for our men's group - but thank you, because without you, I don't know how far we would've gone. I'm sure God placed you there for a reason.


I didn't realize how many lives you touched, until I saw the room where we gathered. You brought sooo many people together from all over the community. In fact, we had to move twice because of how popular you were! But more than the number of people that night, I remember how one person, you, brought unity.

You lived your life like the way you lived your last few hours. Full of life, striving for what's best, and running the race for God. I won't ever know, but something tells me you were in deep conversation with God through it all. And when you passed that finish line, boy, that must've felt victorious.

You finished that race!
And you didn't lose your life, you just began it.

Cheers to you my friend.

-
In memory of Jeff, here are links to his blog entries on our men's group.
Man of wisdom :).

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dear Life

Dear Life,

     You are the most beautiful gift that God gave. So beautiful, that most everyone will do anything to have it. People write about you, cheer for you, fight for you, die for you. You are more than just breath. You're my organs, you're the ecosystem, you're energy, and well... you're a lot of things that come together to make you what you are. And for that, I am in awe of you.

    But you're also death, destruction, and sometimes, controlled by our own weak hands. Something or someone can so easily disrupt your very being and ruin it or destroy it and you are no more.

    You are both beautiful and ugly. You are never really one or the other, you are always both. You are light and day. But that just makes you damn confusing because it's hard to tell what you are. Everyone sees a different side of you, and it makes me wonder, do we know the real you?

 Can't wait to hear a response, but before you do, please put on some makeup because you don't look so good.

Cheers.



Thursday, August 2, 2012

God in Kenya

Things in life have been so different and so off and so unplanned, that I, kind of sporadically, and maybe out of hope that I'd find something new and different and finally something exciting to look forward to this year, decided to go to Kenya with a nonprofit called The Supply.


We spent many of our days in a slum in Lenana, Kenya. When I first arrived, it felt like something you kind of expect when you think of "slums". The roads are bumpy, trash covers much of the ground, animals run loose, bathrooms wreak, there is no plumbing, the housing units are crowded and made of thin metal sheets, and children and parents are out and about - probably because their units are too small to fit all of them.  In some areas, the roads are very narrow and contain dead contaminated creeks, in other areas, the road is big and inviting. Some sections are plagued by drunkards, and another area has very poor living conditions. At first, I feel bad for them, even though I try to stop myself. I don't want to become some random American who comes and feels bad for residents of the slums because I think my life is so great and I've had so much, but at the same time, how can I not feel something in my heart for these people? Especially for the children, who don't have access to basic necessities. 

Where is God in all of this? Why is there this kind of unfair living, where they have no control over their situation? How is it that some of us are born into privilege and others into extreme poverty? I think many of us could think that, but as we immersed ourselves into the community, mingled with residents, and played with the children, I could see the flaws in that thought. 


There are smiles in these children's faces that tell you that even if life isn't fair, life is good. If you just look at their smiles, I can't see poverty. When you see them study in school, they outshine their makeshift desks and notebooks made of newspapers -  they are stars. The teachers see the same thing. They see promise and potential in these children. One of them, a man of wisdom, says an often cited phrase, "it's not how you start, it's about how you finish." And these children's parents, no matter what the situation, when we ask them, "what is your religion?" - without fail, at least in my day out, they say, "Christian." I guess God is with them.

Later, as I walked around the slums, all I could sense was God. God was everywhere - in their home posters, in their smiles, in their hearts. This community was full of hope, not despair. 

At the end of my trip, someone asked me what I thought about the kids, the community, and their situation. Did I leave with anything eye-opening or something life-changing? I couldn't really answer, because in some way, I knew they would be fine. God is with them in Kenya - you can tell. And in fact, although I may have thought, where is God in all of this poverty - in the same way - they can look at me or come to my land and say, "where is God in his life? Look at how he replaces God with meaningless things."

I guess we all have our own battles, but one thing's for sure, whether I think it's fair or not, nothing can separate us from the love of God.


For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39

Friday, May 4, 2012

No Pain No Gain

Last year, before I got sick, I sharpied onto my leg, "no pain no gain." Some people thought it was weird, but as a newly motivated runner, I really believed in it.

You see, if you want to be a faster, better runner, you have to challenge yourself and train your muscles, including your heart. That means doing hill workouts, intervals, dashes, and running for longer than you think you can. It hurts, but without doing that, you can't get better. It makes sense right?

Right....but, the past few days, I spent hours trying to make sense of this saying in my life. The pain that I feel is a different kind of pain, it's not the kind of pain that I purposely bring on myself. It's intense, physical joint pains that come out of nowhere and make you cringe. Physically, you gain nothing from it at all. It's a type of pain that doesn't only affect you. You literally feel it, but that physical feeling manifests into emotional and mental pain for your loved ones. So now, it's not just a one-person pain, it's a several people pain. Where is the gain in that? Maybe it'll come later for some of those people, but what if it drives one to the point of literal craziness and into the depths of despair and it never brings them back? What kind of gain is there if all gain something but one does not? Or what if this pain never brings back gain, or it takes away the strength you had and replaces it with a new and different strength, such as endurance. Is that a gain? Because in order to receive that, you had to lose something, and maybe that something you lost you valued more than your new gain?

I couldn't figure it out, so today, after a long break, I decided to run hard so that I could feel the pain and the gain again. It's weird and it's hard to understand why, but during the process, I think I literally ran away from the confusion in my head. By experiencing the pain and realizing what I will sow a few days later, I could understand life again.

At the end of our run, one of my running group members finished our session with the exact words I was thinking in my head.

"No pain, no gain"

I nodded in approval, but for me, it meant something totally different

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Remind Me

For the Good - Shane & Shane


When darkness is surrounding me
by Your Spirit, Lord help me sing
that You are working all things out
Lord, I really need to hear you speak
Remind me in the waiting
that You are working all things out

For the good of those
who are called by You
for the good of those
who are in Love with You
That's why we sing

Holy God of light
I lay down my life
Holy is the Lord
Even in the storm be glorified

We like to take the blessing from You
Shall we not take the trouble too
You are working all things out
We like to take prosperity
Shall we not take the suffering
You are working all things out

Holy are you Lord
even in the storm
be glorified
Worthy of affection

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Though the Sorrows Last Through the Night, Joy Comes in the Morning (doves...)

I remember singing praise at church a few weeks ago 
Though sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).

I remember thinking as I sang the song, "Well...God, joy doesn't come in the morning for me. The only thing that comes in the morning is pain." 

I've been struggling with that verse. Joy comes in the morning? Really? No... not for me. 
Yesterday, I particularly struggled with it. I had another test, and it showed another thing wrong with my body. I was really holding onto the hope that it was all in my mind and they wouldn't find anything wrong...but they did. And... I found out in the morning. It really sucked.

"Joy sure comes in the morning (sarcasm)," I thought. 

 God...  My heart is hopeful and yet it hurts. Is that even possible? Why would you even say that? Why are there false hopes? 
I wrestled with that as I went to bed. 

This morning, I heard a bird land on my window. I sat up and looked through my blinds to see a dove again. This time, it brought another friend because there were 2! Not just one dove, but two doves :). As weird as it sounds, this brought me great joy. God loves me, and He sent two doves to show me. 

Joy really does come in the morning. I guess for me, in the form of a dove :).

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Promise of a Dove

This morning, something hit my window and woke me up. I heard some flapping of wings and then a coo. I peaked through the blinds wondering if this pigeon was okay, only to be shocked by a beautiful dove.

I thought it was really cool, but later on, I remember thinking... this is uncanny! First of all, I've never seen any animal outside my window (my window shows nothing but the wall of the next building close by), but now a dove! Second, I lead a small group named the Turtle Doves, so a dove has special meaning to me. Third, just last night, I read a verse, "Be wise as snakes and harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16). Maybe... God's trying to tell me something.

The past few days have been harder on me. For some reason, my body is in a lot more pain, and there's nothing we can do about it. I started having some doubts and my broken-down spirit cried within myself...."must I go through this forever?" "Will you leave me like this God?"

I think God responded by sending me that dove. Doves represent many things in the Bible, but particularly peace and love. Maybe God's telling me he won't harm me? ("Harmless as doves...") or maybe He's just affirming me (He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said,  "This is my Son whom I love, with him I am well pleased" - Matthew 3:16-17). OR, maybe he's telling me that although I am in pain now, those days will soon be over (the dove is a messenger of safety in Genesis 8).

I can't figure quite figure it out, but more than the meaning behind the dove, I think God just wants me to know that... through all this praying and crying and waiting, He's listening to me.


Monday, February 20, 2012

Mumblings from the bed of a sick man who can't sleep

really There's an uneasiness inside me. I know I need to be strong, that I need to ignore this and overcome this and that only God can help me through this. I'm desperate, and after some prayer, I go on gchat and ask a few people online at this odd hour to pray for me because I'd love to be sleeping right about now and be oblivious to all my pain. They pray for me and I just feel more peace, but am I really better? No. I can't sleep. My body is telling me things are wrong and my practice of trying mind over body is failing. I'm scared again. Can I take this repeated abuse? I know the answer and it's yes. But man it's hard. I need to find peace, so I turn on my rarely used iPod and listen to praise music. Wow I haven't heard these in so long. It brings me back to when I first met Christ. So powerful and so much rest in His arms. Rest in His arms. That is what I seek. Rest.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I Surrender All

God, what are you doing?
Please just stop. Please relieve me. 
Have I not had enough? Have I not been faithful?

He touches my heart, "I love you."

Then why... why must I go through this?
How much longer? 


"Love is patient"

Don't you think 2 months is enough...must I be more patient?
Then can I at least know what's going to happen?
Why am I suffering so much?


"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12

Lord, then I surrender all.


Monday, February 6, 2012

True Worship

Today, when I sang songs of worship, it all became so real and clear to me.

I haven't had such powerful worship in a long long time.

God, only you can fill my empty cup.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Raw

God, this is so hard. Please help me. Sustain me. Renew me.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

There's a peace I've come to know. Though my heart and flesh may fail. There's an anchor for my soul. I can say "It is well"





There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"


Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead


[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise


There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes


Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead


[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise


And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]


[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise


(Chris Tomlin - I Will Rise)