Grass

Do you ever sit on the grass on a nice sunny day? Doesn't it feel nice and comfortable? A cushion for your butt :-), strong in number, and a sign of life.

I miss the grass.

When I was young, every time I sat on grass, I would pick up a chunk with my hand, hold it up in the air, and when a nice breeze came by, I would let it go and watch the grass gracefully fly away. 

I guess as you get older, you have to let chunks of grass go and allow new grass to grow.

I'm learning not to take things for granted. Everything is fleeting and things fall apart, but one thing that will never change is God.

So God, I set my eyes on you, the everlasting God.

"All the people are like grass,

and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;

the grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of the Lord endures forever" 

- 1 Peter 1:24-25

Superman

Since July, I have been plagued with physical ailments. In fact, so much has gone wrong with my body, that I'm convinced God is trying to teach me something. 

I remember when I was in the hospital, a friend rushed in to make sure I was okay. While I was semi-aware of my surroundings, she started yelling at me - something along the lines of, "You're not superman so stop trying because you need to take care of yourself!" 

I think I kind of laughed at that. At the moment, I knew exactly what I was, and I wasn't Superman. I was merely a human being, who was totally dependent on anything to get him back to normal. 

I would love to be superman. I would love to go and save lives, bring back loved ones from the dead, complete marathons in super speed, have ultimate strength, and have a normal job while doing all of that. But my friend is right - I am not Superman. In fact, I am not even a normal healthy young adult at the moment. I'm below that, physically weak, mentally exhausted, emotionally confused. 

The past 6 months have been hard. I don't know what's wrong with me. At times, during my deepest darkest hours, I find myself desperately going to the Lord and praying. Please God, please restore me, rejuvenate me, give me my health back. I am so weak, and I am wholeheartedly reliant on you - God, only you can help me. 

I've been praying for deliverance for a while now, and I always go back to my favorite verse in the Bible, when the apostle Paul has thorns in his body and he begs God to take them away, but God doesn't. Instead, He says to Paul,  " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. "  (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

God's power is made perfect in weakness. In my weakness, I am realizing the full power of God. I am nothing, but my God is everything. I am not Superman, but God is my Superman. Superman doesn't save those who are doing well, he saves the weak and the helpless. 

Through my suffering, God is teaching me about His power while humbling me. I eagerly await the day God restores me, but until then, Lord, I submit to you because you are refining me.


And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. - 1 Peter 5:10